Trust Yourself........Gain Client Trust

We all know that successful long-term advisor client relationships are built on trust. The question is ... are we as advisors trustworthy?.

There are many levels and dimensions of trust and it can be examined and discussed in many ways. Trust is not just about character, it can simply be about how we act or come across to another person. In the same setting with the same actions, one person may trust you and another may not. So to develop trust with different people you will need to adapt your behavior to meet them on their terms.

In our work of mentoring people based on behavioral styles we teach that for a client (or any person for that matter) to trust you, then the FIRST STEP is for you to trust yourself. Trusting yourself will free you to trust others and the environment is then set for them to trust you. Of course some clients (and advisors) will be naturally low in trust because of how they are "hard-wired". So even though you are trusting, your client may not be. Nevertheless, having a heightened self-awareness of all of the dimensions of who you are and who the client is, will help in the building of trust.

To be blunt, if a client does not completely trust you then first look at your own behavior. A large part of our Wealth Mentor training and our Quality Life Programs are about self-discovery to develop greater trust in yourself, your relationships and your decisions.

Recently, State Street Advisors sponsored a very powerful research article prepared by Wharton University: "Bridging The Trust Divide: The Advisor Client Relationship". Every financial advisor (and even investors) should read it.

The article focuses on what is needed to build trust and then importantly what damages trust, although it does not address trust completely in the same way I have above. However, our beliefs are the same and the point of trusting yourself to build client trust fits in well. This article says that trust can be developed with: demonstrating competence, character and empathy. Empathy is definitely related to knowing who you are and then how to recognize the feelings of others and relate to them. Often competence and character are what get an advisor a meeting, but the relationship is lost because of "behavior", i.e. the empathy is not there.

The article points out very strongly that trust is damaged in the fee discussion, or the lack thereof. The whole issue of fee transparency is a major factor in the loss of trust. Why do advisors get fuzzy about fees? Because they are concerned about their ability to communicate the value of what they deliver. When you work through all the layers, it often comes back to the advisor not trusting themselves and the value they provide. Further, if all you are perceived to be delivering is a portfolio of managed funds that mark the market, then what is the value?

The industry is de-commoditizing fast. To win in the climate of de-commoditization will mean delivering value for what is charged and differentiating the service.

Advisors will have to learn how to work with the client at all levels of their lives and not just their money. This is what I call "Quality Life Planning". Yes, this approach is going further than traditional product based planning. What it will mean is that the advisor will have to know more about themselves, be confident in who they are and through this believe in the wisdom they have to offer.

One of the messages I have learned is that we all have a story to tell. Believe in the power of your own story and communicate it. This is where the wisdom comes from and is what will set you up to be a great mentor to others, not just their advisor.

Sharing Yourself from the Inside Out

Did you know that icebergs connect below the surface? Well people do as well. This is where truly lasting relationships are formed. So how do you get below the surface and connect with others? I am not just meaning a one sided conversation where you find out the other persons dreams and aspirations. How do you share some of who you are with them?

What I am talking about is creating a safe environment for a Wealth Mentoring Conversation, which is by its very nature mutual. Why would a prospect or client, or for that matter any one else, start totally sharing who they are with you, if you do not reciprocate? I appreciate this is not the normal approach in a traditional advisory relationship, which by its very nature is somewhat one-sided. However, in a wealth mentoring relationship where you are building a long term relationship with the client to be their trusted guide, it is absolutely foundational. This is a key differential in building trust along with listening.

In my own experience, many people do not always tell you everything. Sometimes it is because they do not have the consciousness to, they are not sure to or they are holding back. I know a number of people think why should I tell my advisor (whether financial, accounting, legal etc) this information or what I am truly feeling before I really know who they are? For some building this level of trust can take time and may never happen. As an advisor to get the best results for your client and build a trusted relationship, you have to know everything you can as early as possible.

When I first built Financial DNA, I called it the "Knowing Me Knowing You Process". In essence, what I intuitively knew was that if I had a way to more equally and objectively share more of who I was up-front, then the client connection would improve. The walls would come down. The same lesson has been learnt being a leader - when you are open about your strengths and struggles with your team, they will trust you more. It is absolutely no different with clients. What I found was that the sharing of my Financial DNA profiles with clients enabled more openness and I was creating a safe environment for them to share. I know that the advisors who are successful in using Financial DNA are sharing their profile. Frankly, it means they are comfortable with who they are. The reality is that clients know you will have struggles, but they are buying your strengths so long as the struggles are managed.

Whilst I am emphasizing advisors share their profile and can be more mutual in discussions, this does not mean the Wealth Mentoring Conversation is about them. It is still about the client, they are the focus.

I only moved away from the Knowing Me Knowing You Process name when I found myself saying to clients what we are doing is uncovering your Financial DNA and I want you to know my Financial DNA.

Listening in the Wealth Mentoring Conversation

Many people say that they are a good listener. If you are, is it natural or learned? What are your conversations like?

The reality is that many of us are not naturally good listeners. In fact, for many of us we were not born to listen rather to set the agenda. Associated with this trait is the natural tendency to assume or hear what we want, to reach our goals. This will be even more true for a dominant person where such behaviors are very hard-wired in. Please do not take this as a judgement as it is you. You will no doubt have many strengths and this is just a consequential struggle, which can be managed with some recognition and heightened consciousness.

Even for those hard nosed people who do not believe they have a listening struggle, the key is whether they truly listen when they are under pressure or even in a state of excitement. This is when the hard-wired, more instinctive, behavior can unconsciously take over. Without you even knowing it this may happen in many client situations. How many times have you finished a meeting or a phone call believing that the clients needs have been understood, and then later they do not commit, go elsewhere or otherwise do not respond to you? You may even be so busy listening to your own agenda or what you want to hear not to notice. If you feel I am being direct here and this does not apply to you then think again. The reality is it has happened to all advisors. Further, If you are an investor, I am sure it has happened in a similar way in your relationships or at work.

What has happened through demonstrating less than "Level 5 Listening" is that you have not accelerated the building of enough trust. So how do you become a Level 5 Listener? This is a term that has been coined by my friend and associate Joe Colavito at Wells Real Estate Funds, himself a great facilitator of many different people through truly connecting to who they are. What I am meaning here is how do you build a high degree of empathy through active listening? The active listening puts you on the path to empathy where you can totally learn to connect to the inner feelings of others and make them feel totally understood. To be clear, below active listening in the pyramid is starting at the bottom: ignoring, followed up by pretending, followed up by selective. Do these terms sound familiar? We are all guilty at some point of any of these.

To become an active listener does require a lot of learned behavior. Certainly this can be achieved with alot of personal development work in learning to be more conscious of yourself and others. In reality, this is very hard to do ALL the time. What we have found is that by using the Financial DNA profiles to raise consciousness of self and others, and then learning to ask "powerful questions" you can far more easily become a Level 5 Listener. This will enable you to have "Wealth Mentoring Conversations" characterized by guiding the client and not directing them.

By asking the client or other person the right questions focused on their strongest motivations you will automatically be focused on THEM. You will very quickly hear about their dreams, desires, goals, successes and also the challenges they face and have faced. The conversation will be so far away from YOU that the chances of it being about you will be more remote. I will say that you still have to fully RESPECT that this is their life and not yours, and hence see it through their lens. This means firstly keeping conscious of who you are. It is very easy when you see someone taking lots of risks or pursuing activities you would not do to direct them from your perspective. Or, the reverse for some one who is more compassionate to tell them to stop giving of themself and/or their money. If you are not careful, you can cut off the primary driver of their existence. The key is to play their guide and keep them conscious of what they are doing and the potential consequences, and be wise. Finally, consider is it truly part of their life plan?