Holding Your Space in Critical Conversations

I was having a discussion last week with an executive coach about how you remain comfortable when having a potentially difficult conversation. There are a lot of theories about this and to some degree everyone will do it differently.

One of the interesting thoughts that arose was that the course of a conversation can go in many directions and you will not necessarily know how it will turn out. All possibilities can exist at one moment. You need to remember you are not the only party to that conversation. What the other person says or how they react or their tone of voice can totally change the outcome. Their reaction may ultimately trigger you to move in another direction. This has been true for me in a number of difficult conversations that I have had recently. For instance, I have felt the need to take a bold stance with a client who I did not feel was truly committed. But then when I heard their response and where they wanted to go, my whole approach changed.

So the message is that whilst we have a point of view or an intended outcome that we want to achieve, a better resolution may be there or at least a more amicable one. The key point is that you have to be able to hold your space during that difficult conversation and not allow your potentially negative energy to crash what could be a salvageable or even very positive situation.

The ability to hold your space becomes easier the more you know yourself. By that I mean knowing what triggers your reactions positively and negatively. When you know this, it is easier to deal with difficult conversations as there will be less stress. Also, whilst you can play your role in making things happen, you cannot control every outcome.